Have you ever struggled with an important decision?
Did you wonder what to do, analyzing all the pros and cons?
You are not alone!
It looks like Humans attached a lot of value to making the right choices.
I believe the downsides of this approach are stronger that its benefits.
What could we do instead?
One of the rare distinctions of high performers is their decisiveness. They are making decisions fast, changing them slowly and not ruminating whether they were right or wrong.
It makes perfect sense to me:
- Every important decision involves some degree of randomness. We just cannot know the future. That means, our brain capacity for analysis is not enough and intuition might be useful. The faster we make the decision the less we involve our thinking. As you are an expert in your field (and your life!) you probably already have all the information you need. And there is so much information to deal with that only your subconscious brain can handle it. (1)
Listen to the internal voice and don’t argue with it. One approach that helps here is to imagine your future-self dealing with the consequences and extending the timeline (we often see the short-term profits and jump in – completely missing the longer-term misery, or we feel vulnerable and scared and refrain from action – missing the reward of joy and fulfillment coming afterwards).
This part seems difficult to analytical minds like mine. The more the decision seems important the more we want to be sure we are getting it right; he higher the stakes the stronger the need for certitude. Large majority of Humans have this deep rooted belief that making wrong decision is bad and linked with some kind of punishment. Indeed, we have a strong tendency to blame others and ourselves for decisions that have some negative consequences. In short, our willingness to analyze and debate results from two fears: the fear of unknown and the fear of being criticized and rejected. Fear is unfortunately a bad advisor. I know something about it.
When I was younger I was looking for certitude in everything. I wanted to know whether this relationship or that project will work out before I engaged myself. Of course it was impossible to control the future, so frustration and worry were my constant companions. Today, I know I can work out a seemingly “bad” decision and make it operational and bringing a lot of satisfaction.
But I was able to let go this unnecessary pressure only when I understood the deeper truth: decision is only a decision – it cannot be intrinsically good or bed. In the future, you may decide to like or dislike its consequences.
- Every decision has positive and negative consequences. When making one fast you have more time to focus on consequences: to amplify the strengths and to accept and deal with the downsides. Changing the decision slowly would mean just that: managing the consequences, especially the unexpected ones. Even a bad decision, when manage properly can bring positive results:
Breakthrough and growth are intrinsically linked with the difficult moments when you can learn something new and apply it in the future.
Back then, when I was a trader, I remember guys making investment decisions out of thin air. They were extremely successful because they have mastered trade management skills. Me being extremely analytical, when I have tried day-trading, I have failed. Even when I knew what to do, I was unable to make the decision fast enough. I was afraid about what will happen next.
Being aware that the management of consequences is essential and inevitable takes the fears off the table by switching the focus from results to the process. Just this alone is changing your life by bringing more happiness and self-efficiency.
- Emotional management. We are not ruminating about the rightness of our decision. We are ruminating about us – “are we good enough?”
When our worthiness depends on the external factors we are doomed. We feel like a victim and act accordingly: we need to prove to the world we are right (and others are wrong): we blame, we criticize and we feel powerless.
It all comes down to a belief that in order to be enough I need to achieve more and be better.
But is it really true? Do I always need to achieve in order to validate myself? According to whose standards?
Let’s explore for a while a different approach.
What if all of us, Humans, were good enough all the time, independently of what we do? Just because we are human-beings.
Imagine your team members are good enough even if they don’t deliver on time.
Imagine your wife is good enough even if she doesn’t feel like having sex.
Imagine your kids are good enough when they don’t obey and continue to jump all around the place.
And, finally, imagine you are worthy even if you don’t close this deal, don’t earn this money, feeling disappointed and criticized…
Do you feel this trust and compassion rising and replacing anger and resentment?
Only now your mind is free and is able to focus on what’s most important for you at the moment. Believing we are enough relieves the stress and unnecessary pressure. You are ready to face the challenges with creative energy and engage the right people to help you.
In summary, the Ultimate Decision Making Process would look like this:
- Imagine yourself living through the longer-term consequences. Make the decision.
- Look actively for the positive and negative consequences. Take full advantage of the former and deal the best way possible with the latter. Learn from it and use this wisdom next time.
- Take care of your emotions. Daily. Hourly.
What’s your strategy in decision making?